The Cullen's Go Camping!
by EdwardCullensMine
Summary: So Esme decided that the Cullen's need some bonding time and in order to do this the Cullen's go Camping! What will happen when Rosalie and Jacob get stuck in a tent and Jasper finds out he needs to go to the toilet? Find out in this story! Please Review!


**The Cullen's go Camping!  
I don't own Twilight.  
Edward POV**

"Emmett, err, you might want to put your pants on now..." I snickered knowing that Esme was just outside the house. I remembered the last time hesunbathed. The mental picture in my mind was gross, why do I have to be the mind reader and hear every thought Emmett gives me? I think there should be a barrier. So instead of Emmett's mind I could have Bella's. Mmm, Bella.

"Edward, you are _soo_ boring. I am just sun bathing my bottom; after all I am dead white." He laughed. He won't be laughing for long; I snickered, but this time to myself.

"EMMETT!" Esme's voice came in through the door way, as everybody leapt into hysterics. Emmett jumped so fast that even I couldn't see him rise. Hey, I'm supposed to be the fast one.

"Mummy," Emmett said in pure embarrassment as everybody else was rolling on the floor. "It's not what you think it is."

"Oh, really? So, I come back from the hospital after a meeting with your father and find my completely insane son undressed in front of Renesmee and gee, let me think what impression might I get?" Esme was talking so fast that everybody started to laugh even more, except from Emmett. He was standing near our newest Plasma TV, covering, umm, his _private parts_ and if I had a camera near me... I wonder what would happen. At least I have perfect memory so I can remember his embarrassment forever.

"Well, I'll tell you what impression I _did _get, I got the impression that you were trying to rape your niece!" Esme was furious, but that didn't stop anyone from laughing. I could see Renesmee going bright red and Rosalie was annoyed mostly because she wanted her "alone" time with Emmett, but I also got the feeling that Rosalie was jealous of Renesmee and mad at the fact that Esme suggested or even stated that Emmett was raping Nessie. Bella let her shield go away and let me get into her mind... Mmm, I like her mind. Maybe, not as much as her body. No, what am I saying? But still, it's true.

_I knew this was coming one day. When Emmett was accused of raping our daughter... I kinda' feel sorry for him, I wonder what Esme will do... _I love how her mind works.

"NOOOOO!!!" Jacob shouted with anger. He leapt off of the couch and ran straight to Renesmee, and I could see that he was taking this dead seriously. "You touch Renesmee with your ghastly little fingers and you're dead." He started cuddling Renesmee and cradling her back and forth. That man cracks me up sometimes; he could be dumber than Emmett, but if it had anything to do with Renesmee he'd do _anything._

"Mummy!" Emmett whined like a little boy. I instantly got the image of Emmett pulling Esme's skirt and trying to ask her to buy an ice-cream, but instead of ice-cream... Blood... Mmm... Fresh bloooood! I really need to go hunting.

"Enough of the 'Mummy'! You will be given a serious, _serious_ punishment." Everybody dropped dead quiet. When Esme was talking about serious - she _meant_ serious.

_I think I should make him spend a day with Jacob...or maybe... if he likes being so naked, then I might make him run in the street naked. No, I don't think that will work. That won't be a punishment for Emmett; it will be his source of entertainment. _

I burst out laughing in the dead silence. Everyone looked at me, and I muttered something like "I'll explain later".

"Well, I haven't really thought of a punishment yet. But just you wait, Mr. Emmett, give me an hour at the latest and you will have the deadliest punishment yet..." Esme was speaking in her "scary" tone, you know the one. The one when you go over to sleepovers and you're telling scary stories, half of the people are asleep and dropping their saliva on your mattresses and the other half are using their scary tone to scare you, but you know that the story is crap and the tone isn't really working. Yup, that's the one. Except in her case, it was working.

"Go to your room this instant and change your clothes!" Esme shrieked.

"Mum, the whole of this argument is I _haven't_ got any clothes on." Emmett pointed out.

"Yes, I know. I just realized that. Well, go and put some clothes on then!" I could see that Esme was confused, which normally didn't happen. I could see that Esme was beginning to weaken every day...

Emmett marched up to his room with his head down and taking slow, large steps- probably trying to make Esme feel sorry for him. It wasn't working, but he should have known- Esme doesn't feel sorry for anything Emmett does.

"So, what were you and Carlisle talking about?" Bella asked. She was soo hot, especially in that tight royal blue silk dress Alice had dressed her in!

"About that boy, sunbathing."

Everyone didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. They had neutral expressions, which I found weird, since it is the Cullen's we're talking about.

"And, we also talked about bonding." Esme said, her face cheeks lifting up, which indicated she was going to smile in three, two, one. She's smiling. Yup, like a horse when he's just gone to the toilet.

I looked around to see everyone's expression, wow. They really did hate bonding, especially with Jacob. I don't seem to mind him anymore, apart from the thoughts that he sometimes thinks about Nessie, and it's just eww. I know she's full grown and all, but that is no excuse for him to think that way about her.

"Err... Esme... we need some details." Rosalie spoke out for the first time in this whole conversation.

Esme waited, crouched down low, her hands stuck out. She was waiting for the dramatic pause. And I could see Alice dead stiff, probably looking for the future, so she could find out what it is earlier than us.

"This should be good." she snickered to herself. I was already scared since she was blocking her thoughts from me.

"Cullen's we're going CAMPING!!!!" Shouted Esme's voice through my eardrums.

**I want to thank maggiekb for being a wonderful and amaizing friend from the very beginning and for being my awesome beta now, you will make this story so wonderful! **


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